(Updated for 2025) Mother’s Day is here, and it’s usually around this time when we hear sermons about the Proverbs 31 Woman. After all, she was the perfect woman, the perfect mother, the perfect wife. If you’re unfamiliar with the Proverbs 31 woman, here’s a refresher for you:
10A wife of noble character who can find?
She is worth far more than rubies.
11 Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.
12 She brings him good, not harm,
all the days of her life.
13 She selects wool and flax
and works with eager hands.
14 She is like the merchant ships,
bringing her food from afar.
15 She gets up while it is still night;
she provides food for her family
and portions for her female servants.
16 She considers a field and buys it;
out of her earnings she plants a vineyard.
17 She sets about her work vigorously;
her arms are strong for her tasks.
18 She sees that her trading is profitable,
and her lamp does not go out at night.
19 In her hand she holds the distaff
and grasps the spindle with her fingers.
20 She opens her arms to the poor
and extends her hands to the needy.
21 When it snows, she has no fear for her household;
for all of them are clothed in scarlet.
22 She makes coverings for her bed;
she is clothed in fine linen and purple.
23 Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.
24 She makes linen garments and sells them,
and supplies the merchants with sashes.
25 She is clothed with strength and dignity;
she can laugh at the days to come.
26 She speaks with wisdom,
and faithful instruction is on her tongue.
27 She watches over the affairs of her household
and does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
29 “Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all.”
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.
31 Honor her for all that her hands have done,
and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.
Wow. She’s impressive, and referencing this chapter when praising the women in our lives is a lovely compliment. I’ve written this verse in a gift card more than once:
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30.
Perhaps you too have shared this with your own mothers, grandmothers, sisters, daughters — women you love. We long to tell them they are extraordinary, special, loved, doing well. Hallmark didn’t need to pay a copywriter to pen those words — God inspired those words.
It’s easy for me to praise others — to see others as special and godly and amazing. (Here’s something I wrote about my own dear mother.)
But me?
Am I a Proverbs 31 woman?
My first response is nope–I fall completely short.
I want to open my mouth and speak wise words, to teach with kindness; I don’t want to eat the bread of idleness; I want to open my hand to the poor; I want to rise while it’s night and provide food for my family; I want to dress myself with strength and dignity.
And if I’m honest, sometimes I want to do these things for the wrong reasons. (I know I don’t need to do them to earn salvation. I already know that’s secure in Christ.)
Sometimes I do these things simply because I love my husband, my children, my friends. Yes.
But sometimes — and this is an ugly truth — I want do these things just because I’m a 21st century woman born and raised in this great country where productivity and efficiency is not only expected, it’s applauded. And WOW, the Proverbs 31 woman is a 21st century empowered woman if ever there was one.
Growing up with Aretha Franklin singing to me about RESPECT, Nancy Sinatra telling me “These boots are made for walkin’,” and Helen Reddy saying I am invincible? I learned quickly.
I can have it all, I am strong, I can do anything.
(Now please don’t misunderstand me. I believe it’s good for girls to hear the message that they can be anything they want to be. I know well the message that women often had and still have limited choices. My high school aptitude test said that if I were a guy, I should study architecture. But I was not a guy, so I ought to study floral design. I’m not joking. Anyway, I listened to my wise father as well as Helen Reddy. I studied journalism.)
Who is the Proverbs 31 woman?
Sometimes I kidnap the Proverbs 31 woman and hold her hostage.
Upon first reading, she is the epitome of the 21st century woman. She did it all: she was extraordinary, she made her bed coverings and that was after she fed the poor in town, she woke up while it was still dark and put food on the table — food that she grew and harvested and cooked, and she put her hand to the distaff* and doesn’t waste time. I imagine she smiled always, patted her children on the head and said things like “sweet child” and “of course, you can help mommy” all the time.
Perfect mom, perfect wife, perfect friend, businesswoman, volunteer, seamstress. And on top of all that? She feared the Lord.
Golly. I’m pretty much a slouch.
I’m pretty much a slouch. My kids are grown up now, but I still have the terrible practice of heading into the kitchen at 5:00 p.m., opening the fridge, and wondering what the heck is for supper. Frozen pizza?
I’ve always been a fair to middlin’ homemaker. It’s not that I wasn’t taught properly. My own mother was an amazing homemaker. She set aside Thursdays as her cleaning day, consistently. I can’t remember when I last dusted my baseboards or fluffed my pillows. The ceiling fans in the bathrooms are desperate. And the weeds are climbing out of my flower beds.
After my workday — and even during my workday! — all I want to do is scroll social media, find useful household things to add to my Amazon cart, or watch YouTube videos about how to plan and be more productive. A real Proverbs 31 irony right there.
So, yeah. When I think about the Proverbs 31 woman, I feel guilty . . .
Because I am not a Proverbs 31 woman.
I recently read an excellent in-depth study of this woman which reminded me of some things I already know but keep forgetting. Demystifying the Proverbs 31 Woman by Elizabeth Ahlman is well written, and if you like digging deep into literary-geeky things like chiasms and symmetry and wasfs and inclusios, then this is your book.
This study reminded me of what Proverbs 31 is NOT.
- Not another to-do list.
- Not a set of rules to fix my messy life.
- Not there to bring me guilt. (Well, maybe a little because guilt can bring me to the cross to confess.)
- Not there to bring me only guilt.
What does it really mean to be a Proverbs 31 woman?
So what are these verses really about? These verses are a beautiful picture of how ordinary daily activities — thawing the frozen ground beef, preparing for that big meeting, sewing on a button, putting gas in the car — how these ordinary things can be extraordinary. Elizabeth writes, “In Christ, because of His activity in and through us in our vocations, the profane becomes sacred.”
I love that, so I’m going to say it again. The profane — anything “outside the temple,” the ordinary stuff of life — becomes sacred — not because of me — because of Christ in me.
God sent His Son to this earthly life, into the muck and ordinariness of it all, into a stinky common stable. That’s where the sacred met the profane. God comes to us again and again in this life. In my Lutheran faith, I believe He comes in Baptism — in the ordinariness of water and the extraordinariness of His Word. From that moment on, the ordinary can be extraordinary.
Here’s another beautiful quote from the book that sums it up:
“The portrait of the woman of Proverbs 31:10-31 is a portrait of Jesus. This understanding takes so much pressure off of us to “be like” the woman. We see, instead, our Savior pictured there, caring for us as His ‘household of faith’ and preparing all that we need for both this body and life and the life to come.”
That’s a gift. Grace. Love.
So, I’ll ask the question again.
Are you a Proverbs 31 woman?
When you read those passages, do you get pangs of guilt? If so, please lay those down at the foot of the cross because in Christ, you are a Proverbs 31 woman. Through and through.
Your ordinary is extraordinary in Christ.
To God be the glory.
*The distaff in spinning is a long stick, sometimes forked, around which flax is wound and held in preparation for spinning. (Merriam Webster) Just thought you’d want to know this little tidbit 😉
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