With Mother’s Day fast approaching, I have been reflecting on this holiday and how best to honor our mothers or the women who have blessed our lives. Despite the commercialization, the heart of honoring our mothers is good. How can we do that in a way that is thoughtful, caring, and meaningful? In this post, I’d like to share two things for this Mother’s Day: 1) please, remember the women who struggle with this holiday, and 2) consider giving the best Mother’s Day gift to the women you love, a thoughtful, handwritten note. 

“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.”

Exodus 20:12 

A History of Mother’s Day

In the mid-19th century, Ann Reeves Jarvis was the mother of eleven children (seven who died in infancy or early childhood) and an activist. She served as a Sunday school teacher and started Mothers’ Day Work Clubs to address the needs of families and injured troops during the Civil War.

Upon her death, her daughter Anna took up her cause saying, “I hope and pray that someone, sometime, will found a memorial mothers day commemorating her for the matchless service she renders to humanity in every field of life. She is entitled to it.” Two years later, Anna held a memorial service for her own mother, and there began the industry of honoring mothers. 

In 1914, President Woodrow Wilson made it an official holiday, and now, it’s the third busiest card-sending day of the year with more than 113 million cards exchanged annually, according to Hallmark. It’s one of the busiest days in restaurants across America. And the cell phone towers will be busier than ever pinging air waves (or however this works!) for the millions of phone chats. Jewelers, florists, and spas also see a big uptick in sales for this day. 

Note that I italicized the word industry above. Interestingly, Jarvis herself worked in her last days to abolish the holiday because she felt it had become too commercialized. What began as a way to “honor the act of being a mother, and everything that being a mom entailed in America at the time” became a commercialized holiday (source).

Yes, commercialized it is. 

Many of you may be shopping right now for a special gift to honor your mother–or another important woman in your life. This is lovely and thoughtful and kind. I don’t want to stop you from showing how you appreciate the mothers (aunts, grandmas, friends) in your life – a special necklace, a handmade gift, a Sunday brunch, flowers, tickets to a favorite musical. All good. 

But I’d like to suggest two things for this holiday.

Open your eyes, pray, and listen.

Pray for the women who aren’t mothers or who don’t have a mother in their lives. Think about who these women are in your life. Right now. Make a list, and then pray. You probably know dozens. 

We are surrounded in our neighborhoods and church pews by women who grieve deeply on this holiday. They grieve for all manner of reasons. Many women have no reason to think they will ever have a child. Whether it’s health or not yet finding a good man. Many have experienced waiting and losses and pain – a miscarriage, an abortion, the death of a child, giving a child to another through adoption, a long journey of infertility, or a long wait for adoption. 

Consider also the women who have lost their moms, either physically or emotionally.  Many women have/had mothers who were absent or abusive. They weren’t the mothers they needed or wanted. Their lives were messy. Many mothers are in the wake of divorce or separation, and that’s another challenge. Many moms are already with their Lord and Savior. Some of our mothers may have died not knowing Jesus. 

It’s all painful, especially when women seem to be everywhere with smiles and flowers and hugs and new necklaces.  

If you see and know one of these women, give her a hug or a touch to let her know you know. You already know this, but it’s good to be reminded. Please don’t assume and ask, “What are you doing for Mother’s Day?” Ouch. Maybe say something like, “How are you today?” And let her take the lead. Open your eyes to see these women, pray, and listen. 

The Best Mother’s Day Gift: A Handwritten Note 

If you do have a Mother or Grandmother or a special friend you want to honor? You are blessed. I would encourage you to consider any of the special women in your life, a friend, a sister, an aunt. But what’s something special you can give to her?

How about a simple handwritten note?

No fancy card is necessary. (You could do that, if you want.) Nothing but a pen and a piece of notepaper. Inexpensive. Yet as a mother–and as a daughter–I know that this is the best Mother’s Day gift of all. 

Words. The words don’t need to be fancy, but they can be heartfelt. Words that come from you and not a card-company. 

A small percentage of you do this without thinking. You may love to write, to express your feelings in words and on paper. That’s me. I love to share a memory, a story, a recollection, a poem, an essay and give them to others. But my mom and my mother-in-law both wear their eternal crowns now, so for the first time in my more than six decades of life, I don’t have a mother here on earth. So I want to help you do this. 

But for many of you? You’re shaking your fist and saying, what!? I hate to write! (My dear husband tells me this often.)

Still, I want to invite you to try. And I’m going to help you non-writers. (If you’re a writer, then you could share this with someone you know who isn’t a writer.)

How to Write a Thoughtful Note for Mother’s Day

1. Pray. 

I always suggest you start any writing project with a prayer. Ask the Lord to guide you and your choices. Invite Him to be part of your process, whatever it is. It doesn’t have to be complicated. Just a simple, “Lord, be with me as I begin this letter. Bless my words that they will be a blessing to my mother.” 

2. Choose your card/paper. 

Keep it simple. I would suggest that you use lined paper, if you aren’t used to handwriting. But you can script a lovely message on blank paper! But if you want to buy a card to write in, be sure to get one that’s matte, not glossy. It’s nearly impossible to write on glossy paper. You’ll be frustrated after one word, and then you’ll quit. And then it will smear and you will be even more frustrated. 

3. Choose your pen. 

This seems silly. But really, if you are frustrated with how your pen writes, then you will quit. And I do not want you to quit. I have my favorites listed here if you need help.

4. Choose a story.

Choose a story, a simple story about one experience that you shared with your mother or friend. Brainstorm. Take a blank piece of paper and write random words about your childhood. Vacation. Memories. Christmas stockings. Summer camp. College dorm. Anything that might be connected to your mom.  

It could be as simple as the first time she drove with you when you had your learner’s permit. Or the time you tried to sneak into the house after curfew and she caught you. Maybe it’s how she helped you load the dishwasher. If it’s a friend, share the story of how she made you laugh or how she brought you chicken soup when you were overwhelmed. Just get a few ideas on paper. Decide on one story.

5. Remember the details. 

Now grab another piece of blank paper. Jot down a few words or phrases that come into your head when you think of this memory. Talk to someone else about it. Loosen up the memories. Can you picture your mom? What was she wearing? Her favorite apron? Her sturdy gym shoes? What did she smell like? Mints? Lavender? Coffee? You might not use any of these. You might use all of them. The point is just to get them down on paper for later.

6. Let your ideas sit. 

Now sit with all of this for at least twenty-four hours. Plan ahead so you aren’t writing this on Sunday morning and rushing. Let it marinate or percolate. Whichever metaphor works best for you. 

7. Write.

Then write it. Begin with these words: I remember the time . . . Why?  Because you need to have something on the paper otherwise you will freeze, especially if you are a non-writer person. The blank page is deadly for a writer. Yeah, this is dragging you back to freshman English class, but there’s a reason for my madness. 

When you write, literally write, you are thinking aloud on paper. You will untangle memories and recall this detail and that little moment. You might have arrows and squiggly lines and cross-outs. But that’s okay. 

If you want to use your laptop, then please do. That’s the way I do almost every writing project, even if it’s going to be handwritten. I can type faster than I can write. So whatever works best. It might be only two sentences. That’s fine! Maybe you will be caught in that beautiful writing place where the words spill onto the page.  You might write pages! Whatever happens, it’s all good. 

8. Write the closing. 

The ending? I encourage you to close your handwritten note with two things. First, thank her for _________. Fill in that blank. Maybe it’s thank you for the lesson, the best birthday cake, the hug. Trust that the story that came to you is an important one. It meant something to you, so it will mean something to your mother or your friend. Second, tell her that you thank God for her. Use your own words, of course. 

9. Let it sit again.

The best thing now is to let it sit for another twenty-four hours and then return to the draft and read it. Make changes if you want. 

10. Write the final draft. 

Finally, write the final draft in your handwriting. The personal touch goes a long way towards making this the best Mother’s Day gift. 

Now, picture her opening the card. She will smile. Maybe she will cry. Your words will bring joy in that moment. 

Joy! That truly is the best Mother’s Day gift–one of the most beautiful gifts of all. 

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness.”

Galatians 5:22 (ESV)

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