5 Ways Mom Taught Me to Love My Grown-Up Kids

Purple and peach tulips laying on a white background with the word "love" written in black ink to represent how my mom taught me how to love my grown-up kids

It’s that time again when we set aside the day to honor moms. In this post, I’m honoring my mom, who has gone to be with her Lord, by practicing what she modeled in this season of life. She taught me how to love my grown-up kids well.

Although it wasn’t part of the initial intention of Anne Jarvis, there are tons of commercial ways to do this. Cards, flowers, pretty necklaces that say “Mom” and “I love you, Mom” and jewels and oh my. These can be beautiful and thoughtful and sometimes expensive ways to honor mom. And that’s not bad. My kiddos did all this and still do. (Thank you, my sweets.) Scribbled preschool heart-cards, messy in-bed breakfasts (even though I’m not at all a breakfast in bed kind of gal, this was super cute), Brighton charms (love these), and flowers.

I did the same for my mom while she was on this earth, and now that she’s with her Lord, it’s a little harder to do the traditional honoring. So this year, I’m looking at it differently and honoring her by intentionally practicing what she modeled.

She was an awesome mom of littles. Yes. And she was a really awesome mom of grown-ups. Now that my own kiddos are grown, here’s how I’m working on it.

How My Mom Showed Me How to Love My Grown-Up Kids

#1. Shutting up

My mom was so good at this. I’d call her and talk endlessly about my jobs, my marriage, my kids, my joys and my struggles. She listened patiently. She didn’t butt in and offer her wisdom unless I asked for it. And I often asked for it. When I was mothering my at-home kids, I listened a lot. But I also did a lot of talking. You have to, right? No, you cannot have another Oreo cookie before dinner. Put your stinky socks INSIDE the hamper. If toothpaste oozes out of the tube onto the white counter, please oh please wipe it up right away. You did what until 2 a.m.? But when they left home, our connection shifted. Today, I’m heeding the adage, God gave me two ears and one mouth, so we should listen twice as much as we gab.

#2. Texting. Yes, this is a way to love my grown-up kids.

No, Mom didn’t really model this for me exactly but if she’d grown up with a cell phone, she would have texted. She called often; she wrote often; she always sent cards and gifts and love. She was thinking about me throughout her week. So today, I text my adult kiddos a lot. Not creepy helicopter-parenting a lot but lovingly a lot. At least I hope so. Just little texts here and there to say, “Did you remember to brush your teeth?” or “Make your bed.” Most of the time it’s just sending a fun pic of me and dad enjoying a clean, quiet house with a lovely freshly grilled meal and a glass of wine. “Wish you were here.”

#3. Thriving

Instead of living through each of us, longing for the good old days when she could boss us around, Mom shifted into her role as Mom-of-Grown-Ups beautifully. I’m sure she was sad. Well, maybe not too sad. The quiet house, the clean kitchen countertops, the toilet seat always down. It was nice. And she filled her now quieter days with more giving, more loving, more living, more being still. She volunteered, she read, she traveled, she typed Braille books, she showered Dad with more time and energy, she wrote more letters, listened to more classical music, took more golf lessons, napped more. She showed me what it means to live fully after the kiddos have moved out. Honestly, I think this is the easiest one, and I’m knocking this one out of the ballpark.

#4. Letting go

I never talked to mom about this but I have a feeling she did this, letting go of the oops things. You know what I mean. Oops. I wish I hadn’t done that. Why did I let my kiddos eat Oreo cookies as an afternoon snack? Or endless boxes of macaroni and cheese? That dried yellow stuff was really okay to eat? Why didn’t I make them eat more salad? Stick with piano? Read more books? This list could go on and on. A wise friend told me that as mothers we are only responsible for what we knew at the time. I can’t look back and wish it were different. I’m letting go and forgiving myself.

#5. And the most important way to love my grown-up kids? Praying

My mom prayed for all five of us kids every day. It wasn’t something she did with us, especially after we grew up, and she didn’t always tell us. But we knew. That’s just who she was. A quiet prayer warrior. As a #prayingmogu (Praying Mom of Grown-Ups, I pray for my kiddos and their spouses often. Sometimes I send them a quick text. “I’m praying for you.” That’s PFY. My baby sis taught me that sweet acronym. She’s an awesome #prayingmogu.

Well, there it is, my work in progress. Thankfully, I live with the grace that is mine through Jesus Christ. So even when, and yes, there will be lots of times when I fail to be a good #prayingmogu, He will pick me up, forgive, and I’ll remember He is Lord of all.

Thank you, Lord, for an awesome mom who taught me how to love my grown-up kids well; how to be a #prayingmogu. If you are a #prayingmogu, what are some of the ways you continue to mother? What did your own mother or other mothers teach you about being a #prayingmogu?